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I Was Hoping


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as we were taking outside it was cold we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
my wife is in the next room we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone
but I need to talk to somebody
you said "wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was five minutes before I died i'd be filled
with such regret before I took my last breath" and I said "you're willing to tell me this now
and you're not going to die any time soon"
and I said I haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything and you said yes
but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain
and yes you're a fine woman and I cringed
I was hoping I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could be raw together
we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you for your business sir you're
successful and established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir
and your money" and when I walked by they said "thank you too dear" I was all pigtails and cords
and there was a day when I would've said something like "hey dude I could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
I too once thought I was owed something
I was hoping I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could crack each other up
I too thought that when proved wrong I lost somehow
I too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you I think you're insensitive
and I don't feel heard and I said do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental? fundamentally evil?
and you said yes I said I don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said
"well what about that man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid
and she threw a shoe at his head.
I think what he did was wrong and I would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.
I was hoping I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping I was hoping we could be creamy together

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